Let It Flow To You

A tale of a man whom has no plan but is content enought that the world works for him.

Have you ever noticed that the moment you stop asking the world to work for you is the precise moment that it starts to? Like a playfully stubborn horse; no matter how hard you may try to get the horse to drink, it defies you. And you know how the saying goes. “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make em drink.” It is only when you stop fighting and go about your business that nature can take its course.

“Jonny, are you telling me that I should just give up??” Not what I’m saying here. When on a (horse back) journey, your main goal is not to make your horse drink. To lead your horse to water is not your goal at all, but because you crave control, you put so much emphasis on the horse that you become fixated and then frustrated. And just because you are able to lead your horse to water, doesn’t mean the horse will drink, that’s another battle entirely. I am saying to let the horse be. Put up your tent, tend to the fire, take a rest, do whatever aids you. If the horse does not drink, so be it. Most times, after doing all that you can to ensure a smooth remainder of your journey, you’ll turn around to check on the horse, only to find it quenching its thirst.

Life In The Fast Lane (1..2…3. Break!)

Friday was my 3rd day of fasting, and all in all, was fairly easy. Very little hunger. Still kinda tired, but not dramatically fatigued like I was on the 2nd day. I moved some things out of my old house and into the new, but that was the extent of my physical labor for the day. I decided to break the fast around 5pm. I broke the fast with beet juice (bleh, I know but forgot) and an apple. Later, I ate a ginger/carrot soup with some cooked vegetables in it. Today (Saturday) I’m feeling back to normal. Only had a banana for breakfast but my lunch and dinner portions have returned to the portions I am used to. My appetite is back and so is the room in my stomach, so it feels. This experience has been an interesting one. I think I will start intermittent fasting again, for the sake of the benefits to mental clarity and (body) energy conservation. I read yesterday (in the opinion of one very experience person) that the most powerful benefits of fasting do not come until the 4th day of fasting and after. The benefits that the author of the article I read refered to were more heavily associated with emotional/mental/spiritual detoxing then anything. The author had previously done a 21 day fast. Yeah, 21 DAYS. After the fast, I’ve been trying to be good to my body on terms of what I am eating, but my perspective on what I eat has not changed dramatically, like some people say that they experience post-fast. I eat a mostly vegetarian diet as is. Weird thing is that fasting made me think more of “I don’t care what kind of food it is, I’m hungry”, but I’m confident that was just because of the thoughts of tastes teasing me.


I wish I would have done some refresher research into fasting before starting the journey. A useful tip I read was to make breakfast the last meal you eat so that when you break your fast, you will be breaking it on you BREAK   FAST  meal. My last meal, before beginning the fast, was at about 10pm on Tuesday night. Ideally, I should have started my fast after breakfast on Tuesday and broke my fast on Friday morning. Because the schedule I chose (along with work schedule), I only fasted for around 60 hours instead of 72 of more. A big tip for success when fasting: SET YOURSELF UP FOR GREAT NIGHTS FULL OF SLEEP. Lack of sleep or quality sleep has definitely impaired my fasting experience. When fasting, your body needs all the rest it can get and sleep is CRUCIAL for that.

So, All in All,

Fasting wasn’t as difficult as I expected it to be. As long you hold the understanding that you’re not going to eat, even though you’re going to get hungry, fasting is pretty easy. Fasting didn’t produce any noticeable dramatic changes in myself, that I notice. I didn’t know what I was expecting change wise, to be honest. I do feel a litle bit more clearer, mentally, and have a greater desire to treat my body better though. I’ll probably go for another prolonged fast in 2018. Next time I’ll make sure to go 4 or 5 days instead. I greatly encourage all of you to research the benefits of intermittent and prolonged fasting. Definitely make sure you do your research before deciding to fast. Thanks for joining me on this journey!

2 Fast 2 Furious (Day..Take A Guess)

Between work and my friend’s birthday, I didn’t have the time to give a review of my 2nd day of fasting. Sooo, here it is! Before I get into it, I wanna start by saying I only slept for a couple solid hours and the other couple hours of sleep were on and off and just plain shitty, which most likely contributed to why I felt the way I did yesterday (Thursday/2nd day of fast). I woke up around 5am to go to Richmond for my girlfriend’s lasik eye evaluation. I was incredibly tired and fatigued. It felt like my muscles were super tight and that I needed to stretch them out, but no matter what I did, that feeling stuck around. The tightness was mostly just in my legs and feet. My hunger was much greater than my first day of fasting, but I expected that. Even though my hunger was much worse, all in all, it was still not too bad to deal with. The thought of food was more so what got to me, as we passed by many restaurants and such on the way there and back. The REAL test, was when my girlfriend and I stopped by Trader Joe’s (An Organic and Vegetarian/Vegan-Friendly Grocery Store) in Charlottesville to look for some food for a Friendsgiving gathering. So much looked so good. After getting back home, I immediately took a nap because I was not feeling too well.

I woke up and decided to do some yoga before work, which made me feel much much better, but did not dissolve all of the tightness and heaviness that was still in my legs and feet. I was afraid that working (Again, I work at an Italian Restaurant) last night would be hell, but was ultimately not bad. I actually felt better at work than I had earlier in the day. The aromas that were floating around in the air were heavenly. Being a waiter, mixed with my already fatigued legs, had exhausted my feet and legs by the end of the night.

I went home after work, changed, then proceeded to my good friend’s mother’s house to meet up with him and whoever else for his 22nd birthday celebration. I was worried that there’d be more pressure for me to drink and such because I had assumed we were going to cab out to a bar. I was pleasantly surprised to find my friend, his immediate family, and a couple family friends all there. There was sooooo much Pizza Hut there, it was hard not to imagine the taste, but I stuck with my water. It was a much more laid back night than I had assumed it was going to be. We all just gathered and watched the Steelers win against the Titans. I think the Steelers winning was the best birthday present my friend could have asked for.

I think that I may break this fast later today (Friday/3rd Day of Fast) because I have to work my 1x a week disher job on Saturday, and that job is 8+ hours of non stop washing, lifting, carrying, sorting, cleaning, etc. I read yesterday, that during a fast, you should take it relatively easy as to not wear yourself out. Also, if my digestive track has any issues after I break my fast tomorrow, I’d rather not have that happen at work. So, as of right now, I am planning on breaking my fast at 67 hours (tonight) instead of 80 hours (tomorrow morning). I’m planning to go out to a show tonight so I will save my review of today (Friday/3rd day of fasting) for tomorrow night, after work. I will also include what I consumed to break my fast in my 3rd Day Review Post, as well as a couple other thoughts and such. Stay tuned!

Fast and Furious (Day 1)

Day 1 of my 3 day fast is almost complete! That’s nearly a full 24 hours with having just consumed water. A lot of fasts are done with the exception of drinking coffee or tea, but apparently that hinders the full benefit of fasting, so I’m sticking with strictly water. So far, so good. EXCEPT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS FUCKING MORNING, OKAY. I was scrolling through the news feed/TL on facebook, when I rolled into an onslaught of pictures of videos of some of the most creative and delicious looking food I’ve ever seen in my life. With most picture and videos of food, I viewed them. Buffalo mozzarella sticks, pounds of bacon cheese fries, fresh cinnabons. I was drooling and my stomach was yelling. Needless to say, the hunger was real this morning. BUT other than that experience, my hunger levels really haven’t been bad today. Hunger rose up here and there throughout the day, but no where near as bad as I assumed it would be. The mental clarity or mental sharpness that fasting can provide is pretty impressive. It’s easy to see why so many people of high ranking position or status practice intermittent fasting. Even 24 hours in, I still feel pretty sharp. The most important part of fasting, from my point of view so far, is to just be sure you’re staying hydrated. Considering that all you’re supposed to consume is water, it is crucial to listen to the body. Tomorrow may be tough. I work as a waiter at an Italian restaurant, and have a shift tomorrow night. We’ll see where scents take me. So far, so good. I will be posting a review of my 2nd day of my 3 day fast, tomorrow. Till then, Ciao!

Yes, So Fast!

As some of you may know, I am on the 1st day of my first ever 3 day fast! Being my first 3 day fast, I thought that I would lightly document it. Hopefully, this post and a few more to come, regarding this 3 day fast, will give you some insight about the experience itself. A lot of people who know that I’m doing this (and now maybe some of you) are very confused as to why I’m doing this, rest assured, there is a plethora of reasons.

Somewhere along the coast of my net surfing, I came across fasting. Being intrigued by anything that is good for my health, I looked more into it and saw that many Youtube health gurus, nutritionalists, wholistic healers, and even body builders practiced intermittent or prolonged fasting. Shortly after learning more about it, I began intermittent fasting. Intermittent fasting is usually anywhere from 14-20 hours of consuming nothing besides water or coffee/tea. The most noteable benefits of fasting that I’ve read about are: increases mental clarity, lose weight, anti-cancer properties, and improves the immune system (It’s said that a 3 day fast can help to reset the immune system). The human body spends an enormous deal of energy digesting food. This may be why it is said that snacking throughout the day is more healthy then a less amount of greater portioned meals. The body is able to better digest less food, periodically, than it is able to digest an entire large pizza that you (I) ate in one sitting.

Aside from the regular health benefits associated with fasting, there are a couple personal reasons that inspired me to experience a 3 day fast. First and foremost, a 3 day fast is just something I’ve always been interested in doing since I learned about fasting. I’m someone who looks for my post-meal snack while snacking on another snack, so the idea of spending an entire 3 days without any food was pretty intimidating to me. Part of the reason for this fast is to experience something new that also scares me and will test me. Another part of this fast is because I want to build my will power and put myself back on track. Back around the time when I was doing intermittent fasting, everyday, I felt that I was being very productive in all aspects of my life and was really happy with where I was and the future I was creating for myself. Somewhere along the lines, I started slacking and even fucking up a bit, that was about 2 months ago now, and I’ve just recently been able to place myself back in the right direction. This fast is about cleansing and resetting myself, which is why I plan to break this fast on Saturday. Saturday is the night of the new moon, and I know it may seem very hippie or whatever, but I feel such energy on the nights of full and new moons. It just seems right. A big test will be avoiding alcohol these next couple days. One of my best friends turns 22 tomorrow, and of course I’m going out to celebrate with him. I thought of doing this fast a different week, just so  I could reeeally celebrate, but I look at it this way: Just about every time I’ve ever wanted to take a break from drinking or from going out or wanted to get my sleep schedule in order or just wanted to make some more positive/productive life choices, it’s always around the time of someone’s birthday or someone’s party or some reason to go out and drink in celebration. I’ve became so tired of letting myself become pressured through the feeling of obligation to celebrate an event. This fast is to rid myself of toxins, physically, mentally, and spirtually, and reclaim myself.

I will be covering my 3 days of fasting, including how I went about breaking my fast on Saturday, via right here. I probably should’ve done this piece yesterday (woops), but I’ll be posting a review of day 1 of my 3 day fast here shortly!

Thank You For Still Smiling When You See Me

I think I have a very odd form of social anxiety. I’m going to avoid using a defnite phrase like “I have”, only because I haven’t been tested , and I know people out there who have been diagnosed with anxiety that may take offense to any definite claims I make. Everyone seems to find me easy to get along with, and because of that, most people would probably describe me as social or socially outgoing, but that’s far from how I see it. It is not interacting with strangers that gives me much anxiety. I actually really enjoy meeting new people. An interaction with someone new to you is going to be a bit weird and awkward and is typically brief, and that’s mutually understood. You can ask numerous questions without seeming too interrogative, and the questions you ask can be anywhere from shallow to deep (favorite type of music – what would you want people to remember you for/by after you die). There’s nearly 0 expectations about how an interaction with a stranger is going to go. Although my anxiety/nervousness of interacting with new people has progressively gotten worse over the last year or so, it is interacting with friends and people I am acquainted with that gives me the most anxiety. That could be the reason I don’t put effort into keeping in-touch with anybody. Just the thought of being around someone that I know or that I am supposed to be friends with, and not having anything to say to them, makes my heart beat rise dramatically. Now I know that these are just thoughts, but too often do I find myself surrounded by people, but have nothing to say. The more I think about the thought that I have nothing to say to anybody, the heavier this pressure becomes for me to say something. Tell a joke! Get involved with the conversation! Talk! Be social! These are your friends dammit! But nothing comes to mind nor moves to mouth. It feels as if I am gasping for air, underwater. In particular, there was very close friend of mine, whom I have drifted apart from. I started working more and going out and drinking less, and therefore ending up spending less time with this friend. One day, I noticed that him and I don’t click like we used to. I don’t have anything new to say, and I know it. It really hurts to realize that I don’t…can’t converse with one of my best friends like I used to be able to, which has made me feel that the friendship isn’t much of anything these days. Makes me feel that almost all of my friendships have faded, and if they’re still there, it is only because they remember me as a more social, easy to talk to fellow. It is relatively easy for me to become acquainted. It is hard for me to truly become friends. It is rare that I keep up with my friendships. I hope none of you take the silence personally, for I am often times caving in my mind in hopes that I will be able to squeeze out something of substance to say to you.

When Clear Vision Becomes Muddy

A full-relapse is a tricky occurance. It starts as a “one time” thing, an “I deserve this” decision. It’s nice. It’s fun. The only problem is that after I say “yes”, it’s much more easy, encouraged, and acceptable for me to say “yes” again. The mindset of “I ejoyed myself, this could be a normal thing for me again. I’ll be able to manage myself and my time better, and everything will be fine”. Befre you know it, you’re standing in an entirely different place (mentally). Walking in was done slowly and carefully, barefoot on soft carpet. Walking in was uncomfortable at first, but ultimately it was easily done. Walking out is like wading, stomach deep, through mud. Some actions, much like people and places, are only meant to be experienced on a surface level, not submersed in.

Visualization and Affirmation for Easy Living

I am walking through a smoky room. Time does not exist here, I easily accept that. My arms are outstretched but not because the smoke limits my sight. I enjoy watching the smoke bend around and run along my body. Breathing here is so easy. This, whatever this is, is simple. This existence is simple.

Don’t Let Your Inner Hype Man Die

I have just experienced a blessing, but do you want to know what has been happening up to this point? Stress. I am here to help you get through the period of time that has to pass, in order for a possibly life-altering decision to be made.

  1. Acceptance: No matter how bad the situation, you must learn to accept what ever it is that has happened. There is usually a period of disbelief that follows bad news. The more time you deny that what has happened, happened, the more time you waste. Towards the end of disbelief comes a scarier thought: “This is really happening”.
  2. Understanding the Consequences: If you’re anything like me, when a really stressful event happens, you tend to think too much and too far ahead. Once you accept the happening as reality, it is important to come to terms with what the consequences are or might be. Often times, worse does come to worst. Don’t sugar coat anything. The truth of what may happen will manifest eventually, it’s just better to be prepared for it. Intentionally, lightly kicking the leg of a table may hurt, but accidentally stubbing your toe on the leg of a table hurts 5 times more.  If the worst happens, what should be done next? ONLY THINK 1 STEP AHEAD HERE. Do not commit yourself to thinking that you will do this next step, the future has yet to be present.
  3. Get Ready For the Finale: Once you have accepted the reality of the situation and understood the possible consequences, it’s time to build yourself back up. We all have a hype man/woman/being inside of us. They have been dazed and confused due to all the recent stress, therefore, silent as well. By thinking one step ahead of the worst, you have already increased your confidence in handling the situation. It is time to remind yourself that you are capable to make the best out of any challenge. Prepare to rip your situation a fucking new one. Focus on your current success, whatever it may be.

Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen, you’ve already accepted that. You understand what could happen, and you are now prepared for both the best and the worst. Time will pass. Challenges will become memories. You’ll have learned what to do, or not to do, for the future.


Don’t Be Like A Groundhog

As I was working on a free-write, and stopped to let my thoughts flow out for a bit, I noticed the shadow of my arm. I then noticed the hair on my arm cast a shadow as well. Tiny, individual, black lines and curves appeared on my paper now! And I thought, “My god! What an insignificantly small thing to still create a shadow!” It is from that, that I got this:

No matter how small, insignificant, unnoticed, or invisible you may feel, you still have a place here in this world. Your shadow is proof that you exist. It is proof that you have an affect on the world around you. No matter how much of an outcast you may think you are. No matter how isolated you may feel. Wait for that sunny day, and then notice all the shadows that you can. Every person, animal, tree, cloud, structure, etc. creates a shadow. After you have noticed all the shadows, step out into the sun and find yours. You are alike and a part of everything and everyone around you. Even thought you feel small, you still matter. Your shadow is proof of your existence. Your heartbeat is proof of your life. Your consciousness is proof of your ability to create the life you want. There are some dark days out there, and they can last awhile. It’s important to wait for the brighter days. And don’t be like the ground hog, my friend. Embrace your shadow.