I am walking through a smoky room. Time does not exist here, I easily accept that. My arms are outstretched but not because the smoke limits my sight. I enjoy watching the smoke bend around and run along my body. Breathing here is so easy. This, whatever this is, is simple. This existence is simple.
I have just experienced a blessing, but do you want to know what has been happening up to this point? Stress. I am here to help you get through the period of time that has to pass, in order for a possibly life-altering decision to be made.
- Acceptance: No matter how bad the situation, you must learn to accept what ever it is that has happened. There is usually a period of disbelief that follows bad news. The more time you deny that what has happened, happened, the more time you waste. Towards the end of disbelief comes a scarier thought: “This is really happening”.
- Understanding the Consequences: If you’re anything like me, when a really stressful event happens, you tend to think too much and too far ahead. Once you accept the happening as reality, it is important to come to terms with what the consequences are or might be. Often times, worse does come to worst. Don’t sugar coat anything. The truth of what may happen will manifest eventually, it’s just better to be prepared for it. Intentionally, lightly kicking the leg of a table may hurt, but accidentally stubbing your toe on the leg of a table hurts 5 times more. If the worst happens, what should be done next? ONLY THINK 1 STEP AHEAD HERE. Do not commit yourself to thinking that you will do this next step, the future has yet to be present.
- Get Ready For the Finale: Once you have accepted the reality of the situation and understood the possible consequences, it’s time to build yourself back up. We all have a hype man/woman/being inside of us. They have been dazed and confused due to all the recent stress, therefore, silent as well. By thinking one step ahead of the worst, you have already increased your confidence in handling the situation. It is time to remind yourself that you are capable to make the best out of any challenge. Prepare to rip your situation a fucking new one. Focus on your current success, whatever it may be.
Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen, you’ve already accepted that. You understand what could happen, and you are now prepared for both the best and the worst. Time will pass. Challenges will become memories. You’ll have learned what to do, or not to do, for the future.
As I was working on a free-write, and stopped to let my thoughts flow out for a bit, I noticed the shadow of my arm. I then noticed the hair on my arm cast a shadow as well. Tiny, individual, black lines and curves appeared on my paper now! And I thought, “My god! What an insignificantly small thing to still create a shadow!” It is from that, that I got this:
No matter how small, insignificant, unnoticed, or invisible you may feel, you still have a place here in this world. Your shadow is proof that you exist. It is proof that you have an affect on the world around you. No matter how much of an outcast you may think you are. No matter how isolated you may feel. Wait for that sunny day, and then notice all the shadows that you can. Every person, animal, tree, cloud, structure, etc. creates a shadow. After you have noticed all the shadows, step out into the sun and find yours. You are alike and a part of everything and everyone around you. Even thought you feel small, you still matter. Your shadow is proof of your existence. Your heartbeat is proof of your life. Your consciousness is proof of your ability to create the life you want. There are some dark days out there, and they can last awhile. It’s important to wait for the brighter days. And don’t be like the ground hog, my friend. Embrace your shadow.
I am walking a path. Twists, turns, ups, downs. Some time it feels as if I am hopelessly lost. I forget why I’m even here. It is at those times that I become paranoid about the path I’m on. It’s at those times of panic that I usually sit down. I don’t want to move in fear of continuing into the “unforeseeable”
These are my rest periods. As hard as it may be to breathe during these times, these are the times to catch my breath. To remember what I’m here for. To look at myself. My cuts and scrapes and scars from all the thorns, falls, and close calls. From all my careless and less than careful moments. I look backwards to the way I’ve been. It’s already been quite a journey. Then, I use a vision that doesn’t require my eyes. I look into myself. I’ve grown so much. That’s what experience does to a person, when they start using their falls as opportunities to learn. Took me a while understand how to view them that way. Took me even longer to understand that I don’t know everything. Ignorance is bliss, and young people are chock-full of ignorance. At least I was, but what can you expect? Most young people have little to no understanding of how the world ACTUALLY works, let alone experience in it. My blessing is that I was so ignorant, so much, while so young. Knowledge is often found powerless against ignorance. The carelessness created from bliss leads to mistake. It is from these mistakes that wisdom can be instilled, if you are willing to learn, that is. You must accept that you may not know as much as you think you do, and you must be willing to learn, in order to grow. I’ve now seen all that I was and all that I’ve done. I see all that I am and can now begin, consciously, doing. The mysticism surrounding the path is now stronger. The unknown is, once again, enticing. The uncertainty is now gone. For I am certain that I will make the best of whatever has yet to come.
Figure it out. Whatever it is, figure it out. If you want to do something, you can. “Where there is a will, there is a way”, is an old and cliche’ saying, but a saying can only become such if it wields truth. You just need to be willing and be patient. We live in an age where information on any subject is available at our finger tips. Let your curiosity lead you. Let the possibility excite you. No matter what it is that you want to do/be/know/etc., you can do it. Who? What? When? Where? How? And Why?
But the first question is: Are You Willing?
Figure it out.
My process of thought, prior to putting my pencil to paper is humorous. It’s like my thoughts zip around in my mind; left, right, up, down, and in-between. A frenzy of words that only becomes ordered when I decide to start writing. After that, everything falls into place, for the most part. It’s as if the words that come to me are predetermined, but the opposite is where the truth lies. These words merely drip from mind to hand in a natural succession. It is said that starting can often be the hardest part. I believe this to be true. I would ramble on to myself, silently, for an eternity if I didn’t force myself to write out a word or two. Because once you start, even though you haven’t reached your destination, you’re on your way there. Your potential has transferred into kinetic, and your momentum is now a force to be reckoned with. So go out and FORCE yourself to take that initiative. Whether that first wall will stop you, or give way like a house of cards to a hurricane. Only effort will tell. Take the initiative. Drag yourself into the gym and let the judgement you may feel from others, keep you from leaving. Spout out a couple of words to that cute girl/boy who’s a regular at the coffee shop that you always go to. Crack open that book you started a month ago, that’s been collecting dust for the past 3 and a half weeks. Just start with a few reps, a few words, a few of the necessary steps that it takes to get the ball rolling. Because taking those few steps forward is like sticking your toes into the water of life, and realizing that the water is a lot more comfortable than you thought. This day, this moment is far too precious for you to convince yourself that you’re better off doing it another time.
My mind is quite an interesting space to be. It’s not always exciting but nor is it always calm. I can’t say it’s extraordinary, but it is almost never dull, and is absolutely never average. The balance of my mind teeters back and forth on the fence that divides sanity and madness, like a tight rope walker whose had a few drinks. It is not always a good time here, but it is also not always a bad time either. The only constant of my mind, is the fact that it is forever changing. My mind is quite an interesting space to be. I wish I was better at expressing myself in the flesh, so that I could take more of you on a ride, but I’m still working on that. I think that’s one of the reasons I write. To be able to anonymously invite you into a space, where you’re not sure what to expect. To give you a glimpse of the behind the scenes of my person. Feel free to keep your hands outside the vehicle if you wish. Seat belts are recommended, but not required. My mind is easy to get lost in if you fall off the tracks. You have been warned. Please, take your time and float around a bit. Enjoy the ride.